Live To Entertain

***Question From a Reader***

Hi Alex I would like to ask you something regarding this.

I was very inspired by your words, especially this article and the article on finding your mission. I thoroughly searched for my mission and it is: entertaining people, making them smile through humor. One of the things I want to leave behind after I die is laughter. I want them to feel entertained and laugh when they think about me.

I feel that I have often entertained people by not saying what came to my mind in that moment, and instead by making up stories or adding some extras, especially because:

1) humor can be subjective; one ironic remark or a joke may create totally different reactions in different people - so I add a little coloring, spice up and distort the truth; or tell totally different things according to the different audiences or people listening to me (from the very moment I introduce myself)

2) being completely honest is not always very entertaining. Also you said it in the article. It can actually make you loose friends (instead of making them laugh).

I almost think that, in order to entertain, I project a different "persona" with every different social group I am in. A bit like professional comedians do… but I try to entertain all the time, in my daily life, wherever I am

I have noticed that this doesn’t always allow me to grow deeper relationships with people, unless I interact with 1-2 people at a time (but usually I spend most of my time among larger groups).

What do you think about this?
How can I entertain, make people laugh (especially if they are from different backgrounds; especially because the same joke doesn’t work on everyone) and be completely honest/integral at the same time?

***My Answer***

Hey TS,

It’s great that you found your calling, your mission. Most people go their entire lives without having the slightest idea of what they want to do. They wonder aimlessly through life buying things they don’t need in order to make up for feeling unfulfilled.

Your are right, humor is very subjective and not everyone is going to like the same things. Some might like racist jokes, some don’t. Some like cute jokes with a twist or play on words but some won’t. Some people, like myself, enjoy very crude jokes.

The problem is that you are attempting to make everyone laugh by changing yourself. Trying to please everyone with your humor is impossible to do. It’s similar to trying to make food that is loved by all. It can’t be done and you will waste your time trying to make it. No matter what ingredient you include there will still be people who don’t like it.

In order to truly be successful in making people laugh you need to be able to exclude certain people from your humor. If you try to make everyone laugh very few people will enjoy the jokes. You will be overly cautious about upsetting anyone or telling the wrong joke. You will be playing it safe and safe is never funny.

The best comedians understand that appealing to the masses will get you no where. They don’t try to make everyone laugh but instead they target a specific group of people and stick to it. Just like in business they find their niche and exploit it

The big difference between people who are funny and people who try to be funny but fail is their delivery. The timing and how smooth the joke comes out depends on how relaxed they are. If you take a person who is not funny but tries to be you will notice how nervous or scared they are when they deliver their joke. It comes out either too fast or too slow and often with a lot of st-st-st-stuttering.

Their jokes don’t hit because people can feel that they are trying a little too hard. They are trying to be funny and liked but it usually back fires on them. All of their approval seeking causes their jokes to be completely unfunny. Some might give them a pity laugh but you can tell it’s insincere.

Changing who you are just for laughs will wear you down over time. Eventually the incongruence will start to frustrate you. You might still get laughs but on the inside you will start to feel like a tool who will do anything for a smile and a chuckle.

I understand the importance of making things funny or playing a character from time to time but saying certain jokes to certain people is not the way to go. It lacks integrity and courage whenever you do this. Any time you water down a part of yourself or your jokes you are selling out in order to be liked.

You do this and wonder why you are not developing many deep relationships with people. In order to be truly loved (for being you) you must run the risk of being hated. Being authentic brings a lot of criticism and judgment from others but it also brings in deeper love filled relationships.

You know the saying "you can’t truly love another until you truly love yourself" well the reverse works the same. Others can not love you until you love yourself. It’s impossible to truly love yourself when you are not being real and authentic.

It seems like I’m being extreme with you but I know that this is a deeper issue beyond just making people laugh. I can feel your confusion in who and what to be around other people.

You feel that lacking in your relationships with other people because you are trying to please them instead of being upfront and honest. You aren’t telling the jokes you want to tell but the ones they want to hear. By doing this you are not truly being loved or connecting with with very many people.

People respect courage, especially the courage to be hated. It’s an attractive quality to have that draws others into your life. They see you having the courage to be authentic and long for it.

On the other hand the ones that adjust their personalities to whoever is around are not very loved. Notice I didn’t say liked, I said loved. People like the personality changers but don’t truly love those people. Majority of people are like this and you remind them of themselves but most people don’t love who they are.

How to Be Loved

To be loved or love someone else is to let your guard down and expose the real you to them. Whenever you change yourself you are putting a blockade up between yourself and them. This makes it difficult for them to truly open up and love you.

To connect deeply with others there needs to be no resistance between you and the other person. People can’t connect with you because you aren’t being yourself, you are being a character. They might find the character amusing but it’s holding you back from having deep connections with other people.

This happens because there is no trust between you two. A connection needs to be made from a place of trust in order for people to open up to you deeply because opening up is a big risk. If there is no trust they will be resistant to opening up because they will fear being screwed over by you. If you haven’t been screwed over by someone you trusted believe me it does not feel good.

They don’t have a basic trust for you because you are playing this character and changing your persona. They know on some level you are not being real with them and they pull back from you. They know you are lying to them. They know that at any time you could change into something different, something they won’t like.

In order to be authentic with others you must accept that not everyone is going to like you. It’s a good thing because not everyone is going to be healthy to have in your life. If you decide to go this route understand that you are shutting the door on some people. Whenever you go down one path you choosing to not go down another.

Most people try to be liked by everyone but are rarely loved by anyone. Trying to be something that everyone buys will put you into the gray area of life. You are neither loved nor hated but most importantly you are not noticed.

On top of that the relationships that you create, based on pretending to be this character, will be fake. They like the character but not the real you. You will always wonder if they would still like you if you were being yourself flaws and all.

Honesty

The best comedians are the most honest ones. I doubt that George Carlin would have become famous if he didn’t integrate his personality and honest opinions into his routines. If he had played it safe and never ripped on religion or anyone you probably would have never heard of him.

He didn’t get everyone to like him by telling those types of jokes but he was loved by a lot of people. He cut off the idiots who still go to church or the overly sensitive people but he was loved by everyone else.

What can you do?

Become more honest and congruent with yourself and others. You can be funny and still be honest with people. There is no rule that says your honesty can’t be said in a humorous way.

For example: you could say "relationships and being in love is annoying" nothing funny about that. Or you could say "If you haven’t contemplated murder, you aint been in love. If you haven’t seriously contemplated killing a motha fucker, you aint been in love. If you haven’t had a can of rat poison in your hand and looked at it for forty-five minutes straight, you aint been in love. If you haven’t bought a bag and a shovel and a rug to roll they ass up in, you aint been in love. If you haven’t practiced your alibi in front of the mirror, you aint been in love. And the only thing that stopped you from killing this mother fucka is an episode of CSI."-Chris Rock

Figure out the type of jokes that you like to tell and tell them regardless of who you are in front of. If you like racial jokes, tell them. If you like knock knock jokes, tell them. If you are like me and enjoy sexist jokes tell them too.

Don’t change them up because it might bother someone or they might not find it funny. A key to making people laugh is you being able to laugh at your own jokes. If you don’t find them funny you will have a difficult time convincing others to laugh.

If you play a character, make it obvious that you are playing a character. Don’t let your entire life become one character after another and end up with no one knowing you at all. Even worse, don’t get so lost in trying to make people laugh that you don’t even know who you are anymore.

About the Author

"The time when you feel like you are not growing is the time when you grow the most"

-Me

I'm a brutally honest, heart centered, charismatic, take no shit, compassionate, loving, chakra meditating, self educated, female bisexual promoting, Relationship Sex and Dating Master, Truth Seeking, Natural born leader, spiritual warrior, passionate writer and teacher.

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